My Life Is His

"For these are the years that I should not live,
These are the breaths I would never give.
So full of weariness and woe
I am living the life I would have ended years ago.
Depression once pulling me down like sinking sand,
My Jesus giving me much more than a helping Hand.
These long days do not belong to me,
Since He was the One who opened my eyes to see.
For these days are less mine than they are His
A miracle to breathe it is
For He has the right to make this life wild,
For He has the right to make me into His suffering child.
No right have I to complain
For from this life I have nothing to gain
If my Saviour chooses to put me in fire
Or to make me walk across a high wire
Then have my soul let it be,
For this very script I love out does not belong to me
My Saviour has brought me and given years I'd never have had
What more can I do but through my suffering try and make Him Glad?"

Suffer Well

 "We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. -Romans 5:3--5"

"Dear Self,
God does not promise to rid your life of affliction and difficulty. He does, however, offer to give you the grace needed to suffer well, and through grace to discover the riches and beauty of the gospel. It isn't wrong to ask God to relieve you of your pain, but it is more important that in the midst of the pain you reply on the promise of God to work such experiences for his glory and for your good--to use these times as a means to perfect our faith, strengthen your spirit, and transforming your life in such a way that you are becoming more like Jesus.
I know you want relief, but often relief comes, not in the form of the removal of the affliction, but in the strengthening of your faith. And that is what these trials are designed to do--test, prove, and strengthen your faith. In times of ease you have sometimes wondered just how real and robust is your faith. In times of your own weakness you have asked God to sanctify you, grow you, and strengthen you. Well, here is your answer. God accomplishes much of that through your "fiery trial" when you suffer well. To suffer well doesn't mean you put on a stoic face and muscle through the situation without a word. It means that through your suffering you trust God, bless him, look to him, and point others to him.
When the world strips away your comfort and confidence in things temporal, when friends become enemies and attack you, when in the providence of God suffering enters your life like a flash flood, you are given an opportunity to see very clearly where your ultimate dependance lies and where you find your identity. And it's not just something that reveals truth about yourself; it is also something God uses to sanctify you.
Do you want to be confident in God's good purposes for your life? Then you must discover them in times of ease as well as times of difficulty. Do you want to become more like Christ? Then you must suffer, and suffer well."

--Note To Self, Joe Thorn

My Constant Prayer

I wrote this poem, aimed at how my conversations with God go these days...because this Thursday I get to go to the docs, and this is the last chance they have to find something wrong with me. Because I've been in pain every day for over two years, and no one can figure out why.
So I wrote this, as my prayer to God. What I keep praying over and over throughout the day.

"For you, O God, know my pain, and know I'm sick
You know that this isn't something that I wanted to pick
But you've pulled me through, long over two years.
You've used it to draw me near
You have a plan, a better one than mine,
And for that reason alone, I haven't the right to whine.
You know I hurt, and You give me grace to face the day
Even when in my bed I lay.
For You are good and just in the outcome You've chosen.
You've used it to make me from the world so loosened.

You may have an answer and a cure,
I know You hold me dear.
And You would never put me through this if You didn't think it was for the best
Either way, I know in the end I'll have rest.
If You have me cured, then praise God for His Grace!
Praise God for His Mercy in this tough race.
Let this be ended and used for Your greater glory
Use this as my story.

But even if they say I am just a walking body without a future here
Remind me that You are still near.
For my future is up above
My future is in Christ, whose arms are opened in love
With the hope of heaven, what other motivation do I need here?
If all I have is in Christ, what great loss should I fear?

For whether I am cured or stay in pain,
I know from this world there's nothing I will gain.
So let me live to the fullest, with the end in mind
With eternity in highest thought, all of me this world cannot bind.
Let me write each day as if it my last,
Let me write out all I've learned from the past.
Let it all me a light, use it as You will.
And never cease to keep me filled.
Use this suffering and pain for Your glory
Let me never spend a moment in future worry.
Set my eyes on today.
Give me the right things to say.
Don't let my life go to waste, break me down if You must.
For whatever happens, I know in my Faithful God I will trust."

God Bless,
  A.W.