A Beautiful Life

"There's something so beautiful about a man's life
Something so remarkable about his inward strife.
There's something that fills us as we read about the saints of old
Something that makes us inspired, encouraged, bold.
We read and hear of their failures and falls
We see how yet again they rise up, giving it their all.
By their faithful endurance we are greatly inspired
In their great spiritual battles we see them fight against how they were wired.
There's something so beautiful about their past, stained with blood
And yet something so crumbling about how along with Christ they've been dragged through the mud.
Oh how we see such worth in a life spent out for Christ
Oh how that Holy Name has cost them such a price.

But to see joy in a man's life marked with excruciating pain,
To know that all his loss has turned into gain.
What incredible paradoxes we are able to see in a single life
What courage God can produce against the gun and knife.
What a legacy God has made them leave behind
Their passion for God was the fire that made it shine
The dark clouds lingering above them could but threaten to tear them apart
The dreary storm not reflecting their glad heart.
So let us remember that we stand on the shoulders of giants,
Who never backed down from the wicked tyrants
Let us know the motivation for the lives they had,
Let us not look at their lives to be sober and sad.
But be encouraged to know that in darkest times their brightest light was produced,
Be inspired to see how they were from this world cut loose.
Be motivated to have your whole spent for God,
And in ages to come, up to the Scriptures, not be found a fraud.
At the end of our days, let us see a spent and beautiful life just as the saints of old
Oh let our life of passion have an impact to make a new generation bold."

I Wonder...

"Often times I wonder that after I die
Who will come to my funeral and cry.
Would there only show up faces I expect?
Or would I be surprised if I checked?
I wonder if they will stand in silence and smile
I wonder if they'll leave right away or stay awhile.
Will they remember me as God's persevering fighter?
Or will I forever remain as the quiet, coy writer?
Will they see a girl who poured out her heart?
Or a girl who let the world tear her apart?
I wonder if they'll remember the words I write
I wonder if they'll remember me as a light.
Will Christians be happy to know they'll see me again?
Or will they question if there's even a "when"?
Will they think me as a sinner simply deceived?
Or a saint gone home and relieved?
In whole, will my life be reflected to my Christ?
Or will it be a waste, without a single price?
Oh, what will my life be to God?
How I hope I'll never be found a fraud.
Oh, how I wonder what testimony I'm leaving behind
Is it one that will crush my heart and cause me to grind my teeth?
How I pray that this life will not be a waste
How I pray for it not to be done in unthinking haste.
In the end, what will all the world see?
Will anyone even care to miss me?
Oh how I pray they will remember me as God's weak and lowly fighter
Oh how I want to make God's name all the more brighter.
What a waste and shame it would be if everyone left that service without to my God, a single thought.
What a disgrace I would to my grave have brought.
But let this body, mind, and spirit be worn out,
So as they gather for my funeral they will be clear of all doubt."

Things Not To Be Done

 Something that I need to remember throughout life. God's teaching me not to hold so closely to my plans lately, thought I'd finally write out my emotions in a poem.

“There are plans in life not to be done,
Life is not always full of love and fun
And yet our hopes and plans we hold too tight
Even if we know they will never happen, we say they might.
There are things we must learn to take,
When all our plans and hopes are at stake
We must learn to be disappointed and live on,
Though it may last all our days long.
There are people who will let you down,
But you must learn not to frown.
Rarely will you find a faithful friend who will always be there
Rarely will mankind not drive you to despair
But learn to deal with it, you must,
Learn to deal with it and yet still trust.
We believe such sweet lies and hold on longer
We fool ourselves into believing it makes us stronger.
But the more we hold on, the more it will break our hearts
The more damage it will do as it tears us apart.
Remember to hold all things loosely if all must one day go,
Even if it means we must keep our hopes low.”

My Last Poem For Who Knows How Long

A poem I wrote a while back, kinda to God, that it's not enough to write and talk, but I need to not be a hypocrite and actually live it out.
So here we go...

"It's not enough to write,
It's not enough to say all that is right.
It's a shame how at times my life is a lie,
It's a shame that my life does not echo my poems' battle cries.
For what is the use of talking when I don't mean it,
When I fail at living out every bit.
What a shame it is to get lazy, and don't live to the full,
Giving into pain's every pull.
Letting sickness and pain have it's toll with me,
In full, at time what a liar I can be.

But change me now, O God!
Up against my words, don't let me be found a fraud!
Help me to live out every word I put down,
By your grace, don't let me drown.
For it is not enough to simply write great things
For if the words don't match to my life, make it hurt like one big sting,
Shooting me back to life, all that should be true.
Please kill the old and bring on the new.
O God, let these words match up to a life I won't be ashamed to watch over before I die.
O God, don't ever let these words be a lie!"

God Bless,
 A.W.

Random Video I Made

Not very good though, but It was my first try. So at least give me that. Anyways, decided to put a poem I wrote about people who struggle with depression/addictions to music and some photos.
Seen lots of people do it before, think I did it a bit too fast though. But...lesson learned at least. Here it is.

God Bless,
  A.W.

Just Another Poem....

"What have been our greatest lies?
Has it been the "I'm good" in a reply to shut people out?
Has it been the smiles we put on in quick denies?
What is it that has caused them no doubt?

The only answer is in the mirror
Where your perfect smile and shining eyes hide a million tears
Let the floodgates open, releasing your fear
When you realize all you are is a mask among your peers.

Now the face you see is your greatest enemy,
You want to hate it, to flee, to fight,
Until you let the world tell you there's no remedy.
Suddenly you start thinking, but you know it's not right

You start seeing all the lies that made you believe everything was just fine.
You took the cheap way our of the pain
And you believed every line.
Now you've come through without a single gain.

You can cover up those scratches, scars, bruises, burns, but what's the use?
Even if you stay away for months, you'll still come back to pick up that knife
You're so sick of your own self-abuse
And for a moment, you think it's okay to take your own life.

All at once you've forgotten your purpose, your reason.
You've forgotten all that your Heavenly Father has done
You didn't stop to consider that it's just a dry season
Because you thought you were the only one.

But God isn't calling you to come Home just yet,
All the tragic happenings of your past are meant to be collected
When the cuts and bruises don't fade, you aren't meant to fret
Because all was set up in such a way for you to be connected.

At church you look around only to see smiling faces
They know all the right words to speak to get away
They all seem so far in their races
But in truth, they haven't the courage to say.

In the end, so many are just like you
Who struggle in the night, and in day put on a mask to fit,
The idea that you were pointless was never true
Because once you see the need, the candle must be lit.

What a testimony you could be,
Of only you rolled up your sleeves, revealing your scars
What opportunities you will begin to see
When the Truth carries you so far."

Just Another Blessing in Disguise

It's taken me weeks to figure out my thoughts on rejection. But after a few hours of putting some words together in a bad rhyme scheme I got it out! Finally finished writing it, thank God! Now the only this is to keep remembering these words, and remind myself of them over and over. 

Just Another Blessing in Disguise

"Why should I care?
Why should I worry about falling into your range?
Rejection is just an ugly dare.
You will always be telling me to change.

You give me a picture of who you want me to be,
then you hold up the mirror to pick me apart.
Now everything is on the table for me to see.
You'd never guess you were tearing out my heart.

From my looks, to my flaws, you critique me.
And now you leave me holding a mask
Of all you want me to be.
Now there is only one thing left to be ask
'Why am I not ashamed?'

Why does it feel so right to fling your mask down?
There must be a reason why I can stand in the rain.
Why don't I care anymore if you frown?
Because I've come to know that rejection is so much more than pain.

Rejection can only mean two things
You either dared to be yourself or you stood up for your beliefs.
Honor and joy should be what the pain brings
Now breath a sigh of relief
You're on the right track.

Why be ashamed of who God made you to be?
For He loves you how you are
If you have His Love, that's all you need to be free
And that alone should carry you so far.

And what soldier of the Lord will not offend?
For we are called to stand
What radical saint fades into the crowd and tries to blend?
For a saint it is an honor to be banned.

So you see that it's more than just pain
When you stand in the rain.
It's not just a testing,
But rejection is a blessing."

God Bless,
  A.W.

Not Afraid

I am working on a poem that I got inspired to write this week. I've only gotten half of it down, trying to figure out how to end the other half.
It's about addiction and freedom. In other words, it's my story.
I hesitate in posting it though, because part of me wants to hold back because people will either read it and disagree or read it and be utterly shocked because they would never have expected something like this coming from me.
For the most part, I post my poetry on a forum where I know people will read it and will be effected in some way. I don't generally post my writing other places.

This week I stood up and showed a few words on a card board to a group of people at my church. On one side I said a few things of "What I was" and on the other side I wrote a few things that "Now I am....". I can't remember quite what I wrote--most of what I wrote was thin and couldn't really be seen to well at a distance. But the line I put in bold on the "What I was" side was "A slave of my addictions" and on the other side I put in bold, "I am Free from my addictions, and a slave of Jesus Christ."
If I could redo that board, I would make it all the more clearer and write, "I was a slave of my addictions" and "But now I am freed from addictions and a slave of Jesus Christ!"

Even though it was supposed to be my salvation story, I felt like I was writing it all from the last few years of actually being a Christian. It's hard to think of exactly how I was before I was a Christian.
It wasn't like I was a slave of addiction and then God saved me and BAM--it was gone.
No...It didn't work like that.
It has been a long, painful battle. Not to say that I have been perfected already--and will not sin anymore on earth--but to say that I am free from that one addiction I had struggled so long and hard with.
Perhaps once you read my story, it will be easier to understand.
But I think I will post it, just to say that I am not afraid to declare the work that Christ has done in my life. He has set me free. Why should I be afraid to say what God has done in my life?
I shouldn't be ashamed. Yes, it's humbling to tell people about something like that when they never would have guessed, but why should we hold back?
Our testimony, our story might just help someone else. You never know.
I cannot hold back my story. I will not be ashamed of the work Jesus Christ has done.

God Bless,
  A.W.

Not the Best

 Never really liked the beginning, and it's not the best poem I've ever done. But that's alright, thought I might as well post it, it is my blog.

"So full of joy,
My one Hope never destroyed,
Always according to the Maker's plan.

My Savior holds all in His Hands,
Through narrow ways and dark lands.
Every tragedy and disaster,
All according to Your sovereign plan
My only hope is in You,
Standing through it all,
I bear a burden, with no longer a fear of falling,
My joy unspeakable, uncaptured,
I am so full or both sorrow and joy,
Though my hope never destroyed.
Hurt had been my meal
A feeling never to leave,
Sorrow has been my fill,
Brokenness holds me still."


God Bless,
  A.W.

Poetry

'Because of Sin I fell'

"The fire of Hell glows strong and bright

Creating moans of death and plight

But, we refuse to change our path

Choosing instead, to forget God’s wrath

Why so blind, you freely ask? 

Death’s hidden behind a diamond mask

Lies so clever, twist all thought

Telling of comforts, cheaply bought

The precious blood of our Savior dear

Was shed for all, For those who fear

But, heeding not, our Saviors lament

We choose instead, a life of torment

Through a deadly swamp of sin we trudge

This burden on our back won’t budge

Still, we try to move it on our own

And take the burden on alone

Our breath is wasted, lost and gone 

All because, of a simple con

That lie that led us straight to hell 

Will never remove its fatal spell

  

The world has led us to believe

By works, Heaven we can achieve

But, Satan smiles his lie fulfilled

And earthly treasures we all guild 

But, after death, those gifts will cease

For, we never knew a lasting peace

Now, all that’s left is to despair

For now all sin has been laid bare

Justly tried, I’m damned to Hell

All because in sin I fell."

I can take no credit for this poem. It was my best friend's first poem. Of course my friend thought it was terrible, and not very good, but showed it to me anyways. It was a privilege to read it.

My friend said that some people didn't like it that much because it doesn't have a good rhyme scheme. 

I entirely disagree with them on that. 

Poetry isn't all about the rhyme scheme, in fact, some of the best poems have a lot of rhymes but not a constant flow of them. 

Some poems just don't have the "A-B-A-B" or the "A-A-B-B" structure. 

Now I would argue that if a poem doesn't have any rhymes whatsoever it wouldn't be classified a poem. 

But I don't think that people understand sometimes.

Poetry isn't all about the rhyme scheme. It's about the words.

I say the words because the words alone are what makes a poem powerful. It isn't the rhyme scheme that leaves someone in awe after they finish reading it. 

It's about the words. The words are what will stay with the readers. That's what will keep them coming back for more. 

Words that have depth and meaning to the poem. And if the poem is worth reading, like my dear friend's. 

That's what makes a poem good. When it's meaningful. When it makes people think.

Sure a steady rhyme scheme is helpful and makes it flow better, but if a few lines miss it, that alone doesn't make it a bad poem.

It's the meaning and depth of the words that matters. 

My best friend wrote an incredible poem. 

I couldn't have done any better. And considering it's the first poem that my friend wrote, I was even more impressed. 

I had the privilege of reading this, and you did too.

God Bless, 

  A.W.

Just Another Poem

Today I am just going to post a poem that I wrote at the beginning of this year. It's not my best, and it's not my worst. But it goes with what I last posted.
This poem is about a Christian's repentance. Like when Christians fall into sin for some time, and God breaks them down and brings them to Himself.
God is so gracious to us, and we don't deserve any of that grace at all. We were dead in our sins, and we loved sinning against a Holy God, but God chose to love us anyways. God is so gracious, even when He does let us experience the consequences of our own sin. It's always for our best. So here we go.

"My body ruined,
Bruised
Broken
Wrecked
And what do I choose?
Sin, sin, sin
Seven, eight, nine,
One more time.
What do I bring?
A guilty conscience, a body ruined.
Where am I now?
In shame I bow
What have I to bring?
But a bruised and broken body.

In my sins I was dead,
Until He washed me in red.
He died for me
Knowing that I would willingly destroy my body,
knowing that I would keep falling and failing.
He died.
What more motivation do I need?
If I beg and plead,
He will keep me.
From my addiction, I am set free."
 
God Bless,
   A.W.

Writing Goal for 2011

When I told my friends I was making a blog, I said I was going to post some of my writing. So I will keep that promise. My one writing goal for this year is to finish up my DD series. And I am calling it my DD series, but I don't want to say the whole long name.
Anyways, I still have to finish editing the second book in the series, and then write and finish the third one. So far, I am half way done with the first part of the second book.
See, my books in this series, have two stories in one. I know it's a bit complicated, but it makes sense if you read it. So that is my writing goal this year.
After I finish that, I am going to work on a story that I plan on getting published. I don't want to say anything about that story just yet, maybe once next year rolls around, and when I am done with the DD series, I will tell more about it.
But for now, I will just post a poem that has to do with the theme of my story. I wrote this last year, so it's not my best poem, but it goes with my story. So here goes.

"Who will stand when they come?
With their sweet lies and testing tongues
Who will be swayed by their persuasive lips?
Do you know where they come from?
They rise up among us
In the church, in the pulpit,
For themselves, they take the glory,
From the Lord Most High.
Dare we be led astray
Whern it feels so right
But the truth is so far away
Who will stand?
Who will be faithful and defend
The hope that is within you?
There will be no defense
if the sparks do not erupt
from the fire of your soul
Do we look at the truth,
Or do we suck in the words so smooth?
Without understanding we are lost,
Carrying a false light
Without study and heart,
we will fall into the darkness of night.
Who will stand if we cannot bow our hearts, stand firm
And face those fiery darts?"

God bless,
  A.W.