Memories

The mind has always interested me; its mysteries unfathomable. The things it stores and forgets seem so random; and can be the tiniest things in an event.

Personally, I’ve never had a wonderful memory, and for the most part, the things that have stayed with me seem to be either random or depressing.

Sometimes I wonder, in ten years, which of my memories will fade and which will stay?

Too often there have been days so sweet that I’ve closed my eyes and thought, ‘I hope I never forget this feeling, this moment, it’s so beautiful.’ But in a few months, these things seemed to be lost in my mind forever.

And yet, many of the memories that have lingered for so long with me are ones that I’ve never thought much about. They all just seem bizarre.

But the more and deeper I consider why I have the memories I do, the more it makes sense.

I’ve come to believe that just as every event has a reason, every memory we hold does too. And to back up my theory, I’ll show you four examples.

Most of the memories I have are with my family; the ones I hold so close are ones with my brothers in them. When they took me on roller coasters, and brought me along on their outings, they pulled me out of my shell, and tried cheering me up after my sister and sister-in-law both left the family.

Those are the very memories that have stuck with me the longest, and it’s always been a bit strange to remember the smallest things of our relationship.

Until that is, I realized how much those memories really do count in the long run, because those were the very moments that were used to bring me out of my shell, to take risks and dares, to have fun in life, to get shushed by my mum when I laugh and talk really loud like my brothers do. They were the little moments that helped me to just be myself.

On the other hand, I have memories of my sister. Not tons, but ones that remind me of how I wanted a relationship with her, and how I used to look up to her, and wanted to be like her. Those times that made me believe that being gorgeous and getting all the guys was all that mattered in life. Those were the times that caused me to start thinking the wrong way, which I’ve struggled with for so long. Thinking in ways that scarred my views on where true beauty lies and what really matters in life.

And then there are memories with my dad; where he used to hold me in his arms, after I failed at explaining myself in small groups when first challenged on my beliefs. Those talks where he told me that while he was in seminary he would fail at explaining himself, and it was okay to do so; it just meant you needed to work harder at communicating.

And as I look back, I see how much conversations with my dad affected me. It made me become braver; they taught me to speak out and communicate better, and to be firm in my theology.

Last of all, there are those terrible memories that we all hold, the ones we wish we could forget, and yet they stay so clearly in our minds as if we could relive them.

I think those memories are kept to remind us of what great sinners we are, and what a Great Saviour we have. The horrific and disgusting failures in the past are there to remind us of the everlasting grace bestowed upon us. I wouldn’t even need to give you an example here, because we all have them. And though we hate those memories, I believe they are some of the most important; because God’s Mercy is never something to be forgotten or taken lightly.

Thinking through all of those seemingly random examples, especially the ones with my brothers, I have become sure that our memories hold much significance in our lives.

Memories to show us how we’ve come to act and think like we do, to show us how we’ve come to where we are today, and to show us how we were shaped into who we are today.

In conclusion, I believe there is a reason for every memory our minds hold captive; no matter how terrible, or random, or little it may be.

God Bless,

  A.W.

My Last Poem For Who Knows How Long

A poem I wrote a while back, kinda to God, that it's not enough to write and talk, but I need to not be a hypocrite and actually live it out.
So here we go...

"It's not enough to write,
It's not enough to say all that is right.
It's a shame how at times my life is a lie,
It's a shame that my life does not echo my poems' battle cries.
For what is the use of talking when I don't mean it,
When I fail at living out every bit.
What a shame it is to get lazy, and don't live to the full,
Giving into pain's every pull.
Letting sickness and pain have it's toll with me,
In full, at time what a liar I can be.

But change me now, O God!
Up against my words, don't let me be found a fraud!
Help me to live out every word I put down,
By your grace, don't let me drown.
For it is not enough to simply write great things
For if the words don't match to my life, make it hurt like one big sting,
Shooting me back to life, all that should be true.
Please kill the old and bring on the new.
O God, let these words match up to a life I won't be ashamed to watch over before I die.
O God, don't ever let these words be a lie!"

God Bless,
 A.W.

"There's no such thing as the impossible
It's only a word made up by the irresponsible
The world calls people crazy
When it's only because they are determined and not lazy
They say nothing works between shores
They never take risks or dares because they refuse and look past open doors
For it's never been the laid back people who've changed the world
It's always been those people who've been labeled crazy and insane
By a "sane" man, there's never been a single gain.

And in life, to make anything happen you must first start with the small,
You must start with the little bricks to build a strong wall.
It's the steps that lead up to it that matter
So let's forget this word.
Because doing nothing will not make you heard,
Get moving now before it's too late
Take chances and risks and don't worry about your gate.
Forget what is said by the irresponsible.
And run to achieve the impossible."

God Bless,
  A.W.