Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Just Some Thoughts...

This week I had a conversation with a friend about how important it is in a relationship to find someone with the same theology as you have.
Both of us are Reformed; he's a Presbyterian and I'm not really in a denomination. My friend told me last night that he tends to not like the girls who are totally Reformed because other than their theology they have nothing else in common. He told me that the majority of girls he knows are stiff and tend to be more of the boring side.
So, instead of making theology the highest thing to look for in finding the right girl, he told me he just would say he wants a strong Christian girl who loves God and who is teachable.

Two years ago I would have thought that idea terrible for any strong Reformed person, guy or girl. But I think that over the last few years, with having most of my friends not agreeing with me theologically, I've come to be more accepting of those in different groups.
I understand why my friend had said what he was looking for instead of people in his denomination. And I find nothing wrong with that.
As long as the girl is teachable and not in a totally heretical movement I don't see the problem with a strong Reformed guy marrying her.

My oldest brother married a girl who came out of the Fundamentalist movement. She didn't entirely agree with him theologically when they married, but she loved God.  And That's what mattered.
She was learning, and still is learning, and my brother is teaching her more. I find nothing wrong with that pairing.
A strong Reformed guy looking outside of the group of girls who agree 100 percent theologically and just looking for someone who he can relate to and who still loves God but is teachable at the same time isn't a terrible thing really.

But upon thinking more about this. I don't think it wise for a Reformed girl, such as myself, to look for a guy who isn't firm theologically.

To me, theology is super important. And I would never marry a guy who I disagree with in a big way. Like on the Doctrines of Grace or Romans 7. That's always the first question that comes out when my friends say they like someone.
Most girls ask, "Is he cute?" I ask, "How's his theology?"
To me, besides being a Christian, theology is the next important thing. Most of that's probably because of my experiences with people in different boats than mine, but also because I realize that in a serious relationship, the man is supposed to be the leader.
And I don't think a good leader should be having his footing in five different boats at one time. A leader has to be firm in what he believes and be able to defend it and teach others.
Of course no one has perfect theology, and we all are growing.
But a guy who is wavering in his theology and who keeps changing isn't in the best position to lead anyone.

Theology not only changes how a guy lives and his perspective, but it changes how a guy leads. And as girls, too often we discount having the right theology and think that as long as a guy loves God and says he's a Christian, then that's all that matters.
But it's not. Too often we look past being firm and never think about how theology really does effect a man's leading.
I don't see how a guy can be in a million different boats theologically and still be able to lead a woman.  Too many people are in different boats at the same time, and girls just overlook it and think these guys would make a fantastic husband anyways.  Too often girls don't think of the guys as being the leader in a marriage, and so they don't understand how unstable theology can cause unstable leadership.

So I guess that in conclusion, I don't see anything wrong with a strong Reformed guy looking for a girl who doesn't quite agree with him on everything, but is learning. But I think it's different for a strong Reformed girl looking for a guy.
I think theology has a lot to do with the leadership thing. And I think it's important for a girl to find a guy who is firm in what he believes.
Yeah, so those are just some thoughts.

God Bless,


  1. And good thoughts they are.
    I’ve been a follower on your blog for a while now and would like to invite you to visit and perhaps follow me back. Sorry I took so long for the invitation

  2. I would also add to that and say that a man who is not humble enough to think through different theological perspectives on an issue and weigh them against God's Word is not suitable for a husband. I've met many who are "firm" in their beliefs but firm to a point without humility and wrong in many areas. Just something to add.