Last week while working on an outline, I kept thinking of what God used to save me. God used a heretic who has led many people astray with his false teachings. I know so many people who have accepted his teachings. It breaks my heart at what this man had done. I deserved to be led astray by that man, just like so many of my friends have. The question that will never leave my mind is, 'Why not me?'.
I didn't know any theology when I first became a Christian. I was so vulnerable to be led astray by that man. I should have been led astray like so many others. I don't understand why God didn't let me though.
It breaks me to see the man's ministry flourish, and to know that more people are being led astray. And to know that I should have been one of those people.
I deserved to be led astray. I would have definitely learned the hard way to know the importance of theology.
I wish I could only know the answer to that question. Why not me? It's been running through my mind all this weekend. Why not me? Why not me, O God?
I don't understand why God would save a wretched sinner such as me, and I don't understand why He kept me from the heresy that the man was preaching.
When I tell people my testimony I can't help but feel that they don't understand it really.
It's hard to know that the heretic who God used to save me has led some of my dear friends astray.
That's what grace is though.
God has given me so much grace in my life! Saving me from myself! Breaking my addictions! Showing me the truth through a man's lies! God has been so gracious to me, to give me the right theology. To keep me from falling into heresy.
But still the question will always remain: Why not me?