Choppy

To explain the things going through my mind this week would make this post end up being entirely long. So instead, I've decided to just post a poem explaining myself. It's rather choppy, and it doesn't flow all that well, but I'm too lazy to edit it. It's alright for now.

'Worth Fighting For'

"It's always been easy to run alone
And only stop to help a friend who falls
It's easy to block out any other wounded man's groans
It's easy to ignore a stranger who crawls.

It's easy to ignore it all,
And keep at my run
At least until God breaks me down to a crawl
Then it all comes crashing down, with the simple fact that I am not done.

I am not done with my past
From my knees I look back
To the sorrow and pain that still lasts
I realize the love I lack.

I lack the love to see my family who was in darkness and at war,
I've blocked out their screams and cries
To me, all that mattered was that I was sore
To me, all that mattered was my battle of lies.

In my heart, to my core, it's always been about me
It's always been about my sin to kill
All that mattered was whether or not I could be freed.
But now with brokenness, my Commander has me filled.

As I get up, my body is shaking,
My friends are screaming at me to press on
They know I'm not faking
But I know to turn forward and run away is wrong.

Running back to pick up the pieces of my past
Gathering up all the hurt and pain
I commit myself to putting it in words that will last
No longer will I be afraid to be caught in the rain.

I've never known someone so selfish as me
Who did their best to throw everything away
I refuse to let everything just be
I will not stop till it is all out on the tray.

My broken self keeps me p and fighting
I see a need, and out of my heart the lessons learned pour
Because now I know what's worth writing
Because there are people worth writing for.

I don't care if everyone is telling me to leave it
I'm not stopping while there are people dying
So I'm gathering every bit
And not giving up trying.

I won't let anyone tell me it's not worth it
I won't let them say it's just a chore
Because in truth, they're worth every bit
Because in truth, people are out there worth fighting for."

Yeah...I feel like I could have done better. But I am going to leave it there for now.

God Bless,
  A.W.