A Letter For My Sister

"It's been a few months since I've seen your face
It's been a few months since you've left in great haste.
It's hard to think of last Christmas that's now so bittersweet
It's hard to remember that we might never again meet.
And now it's hard to feel the Christmas cheer
When my eyes are to the brim with tears.
It's hard to smile at those Christmas lights
When they make me think of all those painful nights.
It's hard to know you won't be here this year
It's hard to know you'd hate to even be near.
It hurts to remember all the pain you've brought
And all the sadness you've thrown in our lot.
In light of that, I should not be feeling this way
I myself should not be thrown in such dismay.
But I miss you all the same.
So call me pathetic, call me lame.
I love you how I always will
And I continue to pray for you still.
My heart will always break for you
How I pray God will open your eyes to what's true.
I hope you are gone only for a little while
Because right now it's hard to be happy and smile.
So I wonder where you'll be on Christmas Eve
I hope I can see you before I leave.
Either way I pray I'll meet you one day in the skies
Where I'll see you washed from all filthy lies
I hope we'll be Home together in the end
I hope one day we can be friends.
But today I cannot think of Christmas without tears
It's hard to be filled with Christmas cheers.
But I pray God will save you
I pray you will see what's true."

Now I wrote this poem for my sister who has done much damage to my family. It's everything I've ever wanted to say to her for the last few months. I needed it out, though she may never read it...I needed it out, so maybe when I go to church and they talk about Christmas, tears won't come to my eyes anymore. I needed it out so that I don't have to cry when I think of Christmas.
Though...knowing how I am, I probably still will. But it is nice to have it all out in one form at the very least.

And yet, as sad as Christmas can make me feel, in light of my sister not being here. I also feel hopeful in a way. Hopeful to remember why we celebrate Christmas.
We celebrate Christmas, for the birth of Christ. Christ who was sent into the world to die for sinners, for our sins. That is hope. That is the comfort that Christmas is giving me this year.
I don't know who is to be saved in the end, but perhaps my sister will be saved in the end. I hope and pray she will. I guess if it were any holiday that made me think of my sister, I would like it to be Christmas. Because while I hurt, at least I can be reminded of the hope of salvation.
At least, I have hope and prayer, if nothing else.

God Bless,
A.W.